by Catherine Zhou
“the disturbance could be brought about … from elements which we did not intend to express, and of whose incitement we became conscious only through the disturbance”
– Sigmund Freud, Psychopathology of Everyday Life
thought sunstroke & how i know no other sun but this
said i’ll lie a little longer out here
thought sameness of labour & stirring & full-bodied fruit
said no i didn’t make this
thought beautiful views & the cut of seismic capture
said i’ll take one for you
thought blistering seasons & pain & ceaselessness
said i like the changing of it all
thought burned out busses & the long way through
said thank you to be grateful
thought yearning & disappointments & the end of fall
said i miss you but enough
thought timidity & my mouth & the curdle of sorry
said it’s okay i understand this time
thought vertigo & the caustic char of fear & loathing
said i’m brave enough to take it
thought acrylic glass borders & the breakability of a view
said i’ll sleep on or against this
thought anger & whether it’s the kind which annihilates
said nothing & nothing at all to you
thought a wolf’s lip & forgiveness & the act of changing
said i want this to belong to me but
thought plague & the first horseman & the slaughter still
said but i feel that i have never known how
thought reconstruction & floodplains & the cosmic apartness
said i guess now it’s again & again & again
thought so much it transmogrified & took the long way down
said i keep getting it wrong but i’m trying
“dis/juncture” includes phrases from Audre Lorde’s 1981 keynote speech, “The Uses of Anger: Women Responding to Racism”.
Catherine Zhou is a lawyer, writer and researcher living and working on the unceded lands of the Gadigal and Bidjigal Peoples.
Hyades Magazine 